What I Never Said….

When we ended things so suddenly all those years ago I was left with a myriad of mixed feelings, a gallon of ice cream, and a bunch of angry girl music. But I never told you how much you hurt me and while I know it’s not all your fault (I made some mistakes too) but I did things for you I would never have considered doing for someone else (get your minds out of the gutter guys I co-signed for a car!). And yet when I needed you, you left me high and dry. I gave up so much for you, my friends, my family, and my job, I know you never asked me to give those things up but I did because I loved you. I look back on it now and I don’t know why I loved you? You were using me for a place to stay and a ride to and from work because you let the car I co-signed for be repossessed. Yes, you let the car I put my credit on the line for be repossessed and I held my anger in because I loved you.

I gave up so much for you, so so very much. I don’t think you’ll ever understand what I gave up and kept quiet about all because I loved you. How many times I cried because you hurt me or all the times you told me that you loved me only to take it back a day or two later. You made me feel worthless and ugly, but yet I still came back to you. You almost destroyed my relationship between me and my sister, and I still believed that the blame was entirely on me. But it wasn’t me, you in fact are an asshole, an asshole of the highest form.

My wish for you in the future is that you meet someone who you’ll give everything up for and she or he (because my friends always had some doubts about your sexuality) leaves you stranded with your pulverized heart in your hands and nothing else. That the loneliness will make you desperate to get that person (I say person because a lot of my friends really did think you were gay) to love you no matter what and you’ll do anything to keep that person in your life even if it means putting your credit on the line. I hope she or he (I really cannot stress enough how much my friends thought you were gay) cheats on you with one of your brothers (the married one would be wonderful but the younger one would be amazing too) and in effect ruins that relationship. So please know Kyle Andrew Axley (oops sorry I don’t think I should have put your name in there but hey look at me I’m not deleting it) that I want nothing but karma for you in the future. Well karma, heartache, and loneliness because believe it or not I am happy now and I like that feeling too much to give it up for you.

I feel like I should also say thank you for making me a stronger and wiser person who’s less likely to co-sign for another car loan for some loser guy. Thanks again for that!

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