Green-Eyed Monster

You Know Who You Are, 

I listened to you complain about how much of a burden it was for you to help take care of your grandmother in the last months of her life. You complained about getting up early to take her to the salon to get her hair done. You hated the fact that you had to run errands for her. When she passed away you planned the tropical vacation you wanted to take with your part of the inheritance. I’ve watched you and your father destroy the beautiful home she left for you with dog pee and poop all over the tile floors and magazines and clothes everywhere. I’ve seen all of the damage you have done to this beautiful home because you don’t care and yet you talk about how much you miss your grandmother but to me its all a show.

When my grandmother passed you told me about how you could sympathize with me but I didn’t believe you. I would have given anything to be with my grandmother in her final months. Just to spend time with her reading and talking. I would have done everything she asked for just to be with her. I wasn’t even there when she died to tell her that I loved and treasured her. If I had been left her home I would have died before letting it fall to pieces!

You had an amazing gift and you’ve thrown it away! And for that I will always be envious of you. You have wasted a gift and that is a crime. 

The Question of Bruce Wayne

Dear Zack Snyder, Chris Nolan, and Warner Brothers,

Hi! You don’t know me personally but you do know people like me and I know you think we are hard to please because we are such HUGE fans and well let’s just be honest here we’re nerds but hey I’m ok with it! I would like to give you my list of people I think should play the role of Bruce Wayne/Batman in the Batman vs Superman movie coming out in 2015: 

10. Cillian Murphy

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Ok go with me on this one… Cillian Murphy was one of Chris Nolan’s original choices for the role in 2005 before he cast Christian Bale, he liked him so much that he cast him as Scarecrow but I think it’s time we give him a shot!

9. David Boreanaz 

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David Boreanaz was one of my personal choices to play the role back when they announced the reboot. I like him because he’s tall, looks good, and can do action really really well. Also, he’s a Buffy and Angel alum as well as the following he has from “Bones” so he could bring all new nerds to the franchise. 

8. Joshua Jackson 

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Ok so I know this is a little off the wall but he was also one of the contenders for the role back in 2005 and he also has quite the nerd following thanks to “Fringe” and he’s put enough distance between himself and “Dawson’s Creek” to actually be taken seriously in the role unlike Katie Holmes (hint hint Chris Nolan). Side note: guys please please get negotiations underway before J.J. Abrams (the creator of “Fringe”) snatches him up for the next “Star Trek” or “Star Wars”!

7. Ryan Gosling 

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Now I know what ya’ll are thinking but hear (or read me out)! He is a critical darling! If you haven’t seen “Drive” watch it and be amazed! I would be remiss and flat out lying if I said that part of the reason isn’t because he’s hot but he is also an amazing actor so he should be on this list. 

6. Andrew Lincoln 

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There has been talk of making Bruce Wayne older in this movie and I think Andrew Lincoln would play it well. He is another actor with a built in fanbase so it would be nerd porn. Also he could bring a little of Rick Grimes grittiness to Gotham City.

5. Matt Bomer

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Come on guys don’t lie this guy looks like Bruce Wayne!! He’s also an excellent actor and it would be interesting to watch him in a leading role.

4. Bradley Cooper

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His eyes are amazing and if you’ve seen “Silver Linings Playbook” you know he can play a tortured soul very well. He’s also good with action as seen in (the very underrated) “The A-Team” so I think he would be an interesting choice to play Batman.

3. Joe Manganiello

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 “Magic Mike” aside this man was built to play Batman. He’s also another person who could play the older Bruce Wayne well.

2. Joseph Gordon-Levitt Image

I would love to see Joseph Gordon-Levitt in this role only for continuity from the Dark Knight Trilogy, which, yes, I’m told is supposed to be seperate from any future Batman movies; but hey a girl can dream right?!

Continuity leads me to my #1… 

Christian Bale!

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Please, please, please I am begging you give him anything he wants to get him to come back! Christian Bale became Batman! I don’t care if he asks for 3 trailers, a tiger, and a cake on Wednesdays GIVE IT TO HIM! He made the world forget about rubber suits with nipples and “chicks dig the car” and made Batman the tortured hero we deserved and we deserve to have our faith rewarded! 

And that is who I think should play Bruce Wayne/Batman in the Batman vs Superman movie. If anyone has any they’d like to add please feel free to add them!

And one last message to Zack Snyder, Chris Nolan (not so much you you’re a genius), and Warner Brothers PLEASE DEAR JESUS DON’T FUCK THIS UP!

 

My Favorite Fictional American Heroes

In honor of the 4th of July I want to tell everyone about my All-American Heroes, people that honor the American Spirit in their own special way. This list ranges from the serious to the silly but all of these people are heroes in their own way. 

1. Atticus Finch, “To Kill a Mockingbird”

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There is a reason why Atticus Finch is number one on AFI’s top 100 heroes, actually there are about 100 reasons! I can sum it up in one quote (very hard to do mind you because he was so full of wisdom!); “Courage is not a man with a gun in his hand. It’s knowing you’re licked before you begin but you begin anyway and you see it through no matter what. You rarely win, but sometimes you do.” The courage to do what was right by Tom Robinson was the backbone of “To Kill a Mockingbird” and the example that he set for Scout and Jem was the heart of the story. If any of you haven’t read this story go pick up a copy yesterday and read it and be prepared to cry. 

2. Batman/Bruce Wayne

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Batman is an All-American badass! His character was able to take his childhood trauma and turn it into an incentive to rid Gotham City of injustice. The way that he was willing to give up his life for his city, a city that hunted him like a dog, is the selfless sacrifice that our country was built on. 

3. Fox Mulder and Dana Scully “The X-Files”

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Teaching us that “the truth is out there” and to “trust no one” by chasing down aliens and government conspiracies all while keeping us entertained with their witty banter and intense sexual chemistry. 

4. Charlotte York/Goldenblatt “Sex and the City”

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Never has there ever been a more blindly optimistic person on television then Charlotte York-Goldenblatt from “Sex and the City”. Her faith and knowledge that love conquers all and that everything will be alright was something so admirable that someone as optimistic as me is just a little jealous. 

5. Scarlet O’Hara “Gone with the Wind”

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Say what you want but there are very few women who could have done what she did to survive the Civil War. Yes, she manipulated and used her feminine wiles to get what she wanted but technically isn’t that what our nation was founded on? People using their strengths to get ahead in the world.

6. Sam Witwicky “Transformers” 

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Say what you want but the boy made friends with the Autobots, became best friends with Bumble Bee (another Autobot), and helped save the world from the Decepticons he is a true American Hero. Side Note: Geico doesn’t cover Decepticon attacks so when you’re shopping for insurance you may want to take that into consideration.

7. Ricky Bobby “Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby”

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Ricky Bobby is another example of how someone who grows up in a less than ideal situation becoming a successful NASCAR driver. Ricky was raised solely by his mother because his father was “out racing cars, and, well, dipping his wick in anything that moves,” according to her. He took that childhood experience and became a famous NASCAR driver with his best friend and, really is there anything more American then that?

8. Holly Golightly “Breakfast at Tiffany’s” 

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Only in America could a small-town girl named Lula Mae Barnes from Texas reinvent herself and become Holly Golightly toast of New York City. She is the American dream personified.

9. Bryan Mills “Taken”

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He’s the badass American father every girl hopes her daddy becomes if she’s ever kidnapped and sold into white slavery. The lengths Bryan Mills went to for his daughter are the lengths we like to think that every father would go to, to save his little girl.

10. Forrest Gump “Forrest Gump”

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Football hero, war hero, ping pong hero, shrimp boat captain, only in America! Forrest Gump took what most would call a handicap and turned it into an invaluable asset. He is what is right about America. 

And so there you have it, my favorite All-American fictional heroes. Feel free to comment with your own heroes! 

Inferno

I have literally been sitting on pins and needles since I finished “The Lost Symbol”, in 2009 mind you, waiting for Robert Langdon’s next adventure. I’m very proud (and a total geek) to admit that I’ve read every book that Dan Brown has written, even the non-Robert Langdon ones as well. I love Dan Brown’s “real-time” writing style (all of his books take place usually in a 24-48 hour time period) and Robert Langdon’s art history knowledge so incredibly sexy. 

**Side Note** I would like to explain that I find the Dan Brown version of Robert Langdon sexy but not the Tom Hanks version. I do love Tom Hanks as an actor but not as Robert Langdon. 

I took my time reading Brown’s latest Langdon adventure, “Inferno”, because I honestly didn’t want it to end (mainly because I don’t know how long I’ll be on a Langdon-free diet and I wanted to savor every moment) and because it was so easy to be sucked into the art inspired by Dante’s “Inferno”, the book on which Brown’s book is based. 

In this book we find Langdon in a hospital in Florence and no idea how or why he’s there. He’s actually lost the last two days of his life and he spends a good portion of the book trying to recover those memories by retracing clues from a painting by Vasari that was altered by the main protagonist to send Langdon on a multi-country scavenger hunt.

Without giving too much away the book deals with the very real issue of population control and it really got me thinking about the very real possibility of massive shortages due to the world’s overcrowding. 

Overall, if you’ve read and fallen in love with Robert Langdon then this book is a must read. If you haven’t read any of Dan Brown’s books what the hell is wrong with you get to reading immediately!! 

 

Will You Still Love Me When I’m No Longer Young and Beautiful?

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This book has been on my short list of favorites for a while now and after watching the Robert Redford version from the 1970’s I was very unsure that Baz Luhrmann would be able to do the story justice. I had no doubt that he would be able to pull off the famous Gatsby parties but the tragic love story not so much. 

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I thoroughly enjoyed being drawn into Gatsby’s world of beautiful parties and hopeful (if not tragic) optimism. Back in the 1920’s where (according to Fitzgerald) the alcohol flowed, the dresses were short, and relationships were disposable.

I thought the 3D was a little superfluous but a nice touch. Leonardo DiCaprio captured Gatsby’s truly tragic hope and optimism so well that I didn’t see him I saw Jay Gatsby, Tobey Maguire’s Nick Carraway was amazing in the “outsider looking in” role, and Carey Mulligan played Daisy Buchanan beautifully . 

All in all this movie was beautifully tragic and I wouldn’t be surprised if this role gets Leo his long-awaited Oscar.

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Now You See Me

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I was lucky enough to get tickets to an advance screening of “Now You See Me” for me and my friends (most notably my usual movie plus one Ms Dorian Bright). I had high hopes for this movie considering the cast and I will tell you I was not disappointed!

The story goes way beyond the usual magician tale to tell a much bigger Robin Hood-esque story. The fact that Morgan Freeman and Michael Caine are in it are just very happy bonuses. 

I will be the first to tell you that Jesse Eisenberg kind of turned me off when he played Mark Zuckerburg in such a douchy way that I was very hesitant to see him in anything else, but he totally turned it around for me in this one. While he was still kind of an ass, he was very much a lovable asshole so it was forgivable. Woody Harrelson and the rest of the cast played very well off each other and I’m hoping for a reunion in the sequel. Because, yes, a movie with the twists that this movie has NEEDS a sequel! 

When this movie comes out on May 31st you’ll be missing out if you don’t go see it! 

 

My Problem With “Iron Man 3”

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  First off in the interest of full disclosure there will be spoilers so if you haven’t seen “Iron Man 3” I would suggest that you stop reading here. 

If you have seen it then keep on reading but be aware as a hardcore DC fangirl I have a few bones to pick with this movie. 

I really felt like “Iron Man 3” pulled quite a bit from “The Dark Knight Rises” from complex plot points like breaking the hero down and building him back up to simple things like the villain sounding strange (I’m sorry, I loved Bane but his voice was just a little distracting as was the Mandarin’s voice) to Tony Stark telling JARVIS to initiate “Clean Slate Protocol” to destroy all of the Iron Man suits. I mean really?! Clean Slate?! Could they not have come up with anything else? For any of you who haven’t seen “The Dark Knight Rises”, and really if you haven’t seen it get it together, the Clean Slate was the software that Selena Kyle was fighting so hard to get. 

Watching Tony Stark’s Malibu home collapse into the Pacific Ocean taking Tony Stark (in the Iron Man suit) down with it only to blast him out of the water and crash-land him in the hills of Tennessee, where JARVIS crashed and the suit promptly died was the Marvel equivalent of Bane breaking Batman’s back and sending him to the Lazarus Pit (because let’s face it that’s what Nolan was trying to represent), however as a current resident of the state of Tennessee I’m regretting that comparison. 

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 I will say that “Iron Man 3” was an epic movie and for those hardcore Marvel fanboys and fangirls out there I know it delivered. I mainly know this because the boyfriend came out of the theater more excited then I have ever seen him after a superhero movie. He loved it but I really just came out of the theater thinking about how good Robert Downey Jr. looked when he was dancing at the beginning of the movie, and I don’t think that was the director’s intention. 

The Joys of Cat Ownership (Or Living With a Furry Dictator)

In case any of you didn’t read my “Furry Friends” blog (and I highly suggest you do) I have a cat named Lizzy that lives with me and my boyfriend. Her (after this she’ll be referred to as our Dear Leader) full name is Elizabeth Bennett (named after the main character in one of my favorite books see the “Satisfaction of a List” blog) and she really has taken over the house. 

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  I know our Dear Leader looks cute (just look at that little face!) but she has a darkness inside her. Maybe she’s not so much a dictator (please don’t tell he I’m calling her a dictator) she’s more like a diva. She has requests and demands, a food bowl that’s always full and full water glasses (yes, glasses), much like concert riders for the divas like Mariah Carey and Aretha Franklin. She needs to have a clean potty (but really who doesn’t need that) and the occasional can of wet food, just to spice things up.

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Her daily activities are typical for a Dictator like her, she sleeps usually around 15-16 hours a day, she keeps active by sprinting from room to room and jumping on the furniture knocking things over in the process all at 3am while we’re sleeping (well until the stuff gets knocked over and I have a freak out because I think someone is trying to break in).

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She likes her television programming (lots of Bill Murray, “Golden Girls”, and she loved the horse competitions during the Olympics), laying on my laptop, while I’m using it of course, and knocking things off the tables just for fun, all typical cat/Dictator activities. In the mornings she likes to go to the window and greet her public, mostly the squirrels and birds, sometimes she likes to go out on the landing and actually greet them whiskers to feathers, but more often than not she sticks with the window greeting, mostly because those 15-16 hours of napping aren’t going to take themselves. 

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Lizzy may be a tiny, furry, dictator, but she’s also my child and I do love her quirks and all. She’s my baby. But when she’s sleeping and purring in my lap that’s when she’s my favorite little fur ball.  

Things That Make You Go Hmmmmm…..

So I just copied and pasted one of my blog entries (the one about things I’d like to say to an ex in case any of you were wondering) and I found out that I write like Dan Brown! I loved “Angels and Demons” and “The DiVinci Code” so much and with his new book, “Inferno” coming out later this month it’s like kismet!! Here’s totally official proof in case any of you don’t believe me:

I write like
Dan Brown

I Write Like by Mémoires, journal software. Analyze your writing!

See that totally makes me fully legit in the blogging world guys!!

Something so Simple says so Much….

I live in the south so the phrase “Well bless her/his heart,” is very common here. On the surface it sounds like a very sweet concerned sentiment but it is really just a sugary sweet hidden insult.

“That little girl has a face only a mother could love. Bless her little heart.”

What starts out as something so mean is sweetened and the insult becomes softer when you add those little words. I remember trying to explain how it works to someone from Australia (blond hair, blue eyes, adorable accent, lets just be honest I was totally flirting) and he didn’t understand until I could put it into some kind of context for him:

Me: (a girl who looks like a hot mess walks in to the bar we were in) Oh my God look at her she looks like she got ready in the dark, bless her heart. 

Him: (nodding astonished) You are so right that didn’t sound mean at all. 

And with that we went back to our drinks, I felt good about my lesson he felt a little wiser about the ways of the southern woman. 

Now for the rest of the uninitiated here are the other many uses for “Bless your heart.”

Example:  When someone walks into a room wearing a distasteful outfit and someone says “Bless her/his heart” … it means: “That poor thing has the tackiest taste in the world!” or it could even be more specific as in “Good grief, those pants make her bottom look like it’s dragging the ground!”

When, let’s say, a family member calls and tells you about something stupid another family member has done there are several “Bless her/his heart”s and this means: “Well, even though they don’t have enough sense to get out of a wet paper bag, we still love them.”

When someone you love and care about gets hurt or has something bad happen to them and you say “Bless your heart”…. it means “Oh, I am so sorry you are going through this, I wish I could take it away and make things better.”

It can be a form of empathy and used as a big hug…. as in when a friend calls and tells you about how bad her job is, and the kids are going crazy, and the dog just destroyed the house….. we say “Bless your heart”….and it means:  ”Honey, I hate that you’ve had a bad day, but I’m glad it’s you and not me!”

And then one of the biggest ways southerners use “Bless your heart”….is a way to identify each other.  You pretty much know where someone came from when they use this powerful phrase. You also know where someone came from if they use it incorrectly.  {And you appropriately say “Bless. your. heart.”}

Now, this is definitely an abbreviated lesson….just in a nutshell.  There are many other ways to use it, and the nuances are many….for instance: when it is said through clenched teeth, drawn out slowly, with a squeal, etc…..but, for any of you that are not familiar with it, I don’t want to overwhelm you.